Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish you could order shots online.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My bed smells like the plague
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