she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
