You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
