dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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