i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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