I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
