first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
