He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
