dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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