i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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