Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
