That's when you crack a 10am beer
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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