Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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