I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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