just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
