Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
