also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
