They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You took a bar mat shot.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
how drunk are you?
Several
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
