The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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