Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize