I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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