Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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