no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
