The beer is more important than you right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
