Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
