i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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