sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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