the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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