I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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