32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
