I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
