Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
