i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
