I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
