Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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