I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
