I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
how drunk are you?
Several
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
