just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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