we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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