He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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