So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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