i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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