Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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