Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
