so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
