We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
