yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
