woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
why is half of my head shaved?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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