and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
