I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
