You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His hands were made for my vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
