i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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