ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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