Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
