Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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