we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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