Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
