i don't like sucking hair
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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