Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
