Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize